[April Fools] Introducing Excellence
At Brick Hill, we are always striving to make our future your present - that's why the client has been in development for three years - we just can't keep up with the future! But we aren't total failures; here are some of the brilliant innovations we are bringing to the platform in the coming weeks.
A Fresh Design
We have poured hundreds of thousands of dollars into carefully envisioning the bulging creativity and passion within Brick Hill, and today we can present to you the future of Brick Hill. With this bold and inspiring new logo, accompanied by three rigid color-types and strict design regulations that will reawaken your imagination!
This is not all, though. With this daring push forward, we have also decided to remove bits and bucks entirely as the idea of exchanging virtual currency for goods and services was incredibly confusing and left many users with raging headaches as they struggled with conversion rates, taxes, and deciding what items they want.
Now, our glorious algorithm will decide what you want for you, so you can be creative without having to come up with ideas! We have decided to make this feature memberships only, as we don't want our expensive new system to be used by poor people!
That's right, the new avatars you've all been waiting for (we think - we don't really listen to what you want!) To help you on your creative journey, we've opted to make these mandatory, and they'll be gradually rolling out to random users over the next couple weeks. If you see a tub of "Experimental Jelly" in your crate, then that means you'll be one of the lucky few to be using this avatar and saying goodbye to your current ugly and unimaginative body!
Lastly, we are introducing Mom's Platinum Credit Card for those of you who spend over $1,000 on Brick Hill! Our innovative concept behind this idea is that with everything on the platform, spending more money will encourage you to come up with bold new projects and take on new challenges. You're welcome!
That's all for now, and I'm very pleased with these current changes and a brighter, more innovative future for Brick Hill. I am your acquiescent CEO, Alex Dunn, and thank you for taking the time to read this short article regarding the upcoming improvements to Brick Hill - inspiring creativity!